Read This Book! It Could Save Your Life
A Review of The Zombie Survival Guide
By Scott Gage
Brooks, Max. The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2003. 254 p.
"The dead walk among us. Zombies, ghouls 'no matter what their label' these somnambulists are the greatest threat to humanity, other than humanity itself." Thus begins one of the most important books I have had the fortune to read, Max Brooks's The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead. Spawned from a mysterious virus called Solanum, the living dead are indeed among us, releasing guttural moans in pursuit of their prey, spreading their disease via every human unfortunate enough to survive an attack either scratched or bitten. To be sure, you will hear them pawing at your windows and doors. It's simply a matter of time before the governmental cover-ups, local and federal (many of which Brooks's cites) fail to stop the outbreak certain to rise up anywhere, at any time.
What can I do to prepare for the inevitable, you might ask.
My reply is the following: Read Brooks's book! It might be the only chance you've got.
The Zombie Survival Guide serves as an invaluable contribution to the survival of our species, for within its pages lies step-by-step information on how to prepare for and survive forthcoming epidemics. Beginning with instruction on how to spot members of the undead and how to detect outbreaks, Brooks guides his readers through the myths and realities of our most threatening enemies. He teaches us about their physical abilities and their behavioral patterns (what better way to beat your opponent than to know it well?), and he describes the different levels of outbreaks, starting with Class 1 (a minimal outbreak featuring up to twenty zombies and fifty human casualties) and ending with Class 4 (a situation in which survivors would find themselves "living in an undead world").
With the threat established, Brooks then instructs us as to what we can do to keep ourselves off the menu at your local undead buffet. Brooks details the training necessary to combat whatever ghouls you may find (unless, of course, they find you first), and he explains which weapons are most effective and why ("Can it crush a skull in one blow? If not, can it decapitate in said blow? Is it easy to handle? Is it light? Is it durable?"). If you find yourself on the offensive, Brooks also provides his readers with knowledge of how to attack in certain terrains, an especially humorous riff on Sun Tzu's The Art of War. But what if you prefer defensive strategies? Fret not; The Zombie Survival Guide has you covered. It features two sections, one titled "On the Defense" and one titled "On the Run," that feature all information necessary to survive while doing your best to avoid all possible contact with zombies. If you prefer defense, just remember two things. First, avoid urban areas at all costs. Second, "get up the staircase, then destroy it."
Your inclination may be to chuckle at the severity of the situation that faces us, and you'd be right (let's not blame Brooks if we end up as victims though). The Zombie Survival Guide is a comedic piece that fits into the same corner of the bookstore as the Worst Case Scenario series. But it's much funnier. Much of the humor in Brooks's guide arises from his tone, for laughter is the unavoidable reaction to the solemn manner in which Brooks addresses an unreal threat. Unfortunately, the joke grows weary after two hundred plus pages. However, Brooks does find a way to keep the humor fresh. He does so through his satirical comments on our humanity and our governments.
For example, Brooks dismisses whatever hope we may have that our leaders would curb an outbreak of the undead before it became a Class 4 epidemic when he writes, "The threat posed by even a few hundred zombies would surely be enough to galvanize our leaders into action. How could they not? How could those in power, especially in such a modern, enlightened age as ours, ignore the spread of a deadly disease until it reached plague proportions? Just look at the world government's response to the AIDS epidemic, and you will have your answer." Such statements are biting and brilliant, but they are few. Had Brooks included more social commentary, you might be able to move his book from the back of your toilet seat, where it sits next to Worst Case Scenario, onto the shelves of your library. But regardless of the book's inconsistent humor, I'm thankful to have read it because, if nothing else, I know now that I am prepared.