How Many Whores Does It Take
to Screw In a Light Bulb?
A Review of 13 Horrors
Hopkins, Brian A., ed. 13 Horrors: A Devil's Dozen Stories Celebrating
13 Years of the World Horror Convention. Kansas City: KaCSFFS Press,
2003. 255p.
When first confronted with Brian A. Hopkins' new collection of short stories by
various award-winning authors in the horror genre, this reviewer had hoped to
find new and delightful material. After all, with the likes of Chelsea Quinn
Yarbro, Ramsey Campbell, Michael Bishop, and other "talented" writers of the
horror scene, I thought (which was my first mistake but, then again, it usually
is) that these writers would have something original to say.
Imagine my disappointment to find that most of these stories were rip-offs of
urban legends or were variations of those Internet perpetuated stories that
detail the grisly tale of someone's demise. Hardly original ... but I have to
admit that some of these tales were actually worth reading. That is if you are
trapped in a doctor's office and there is nothing to read but circa 1991
Family Circle magazines. And the TV is stuck on "Jerry Springer."
Nevertheless, some stories were ever so slightly entertaining, even if they
reeked of being rehashed. For instance, in "Anti-Claus," a story by Graham
Masterton that details the adventures of an evil Santa-like figure, there is
promise, which unfortunately goes unfulfilled at its end. But then again endings
are where so many authors lose their gusto. They peter out or lose their focus,
or maybe they become complacent and say, "What they hell, I just want to finish
this and send it out to the publisher and get it over with."
Other stories disappoint as well. In "The Sacerdotal Owl," by Michael Bishop,
which is my personal favorite of the thirteen "original" pieces, the setting is
an unidentified set of mythical Central American ruins. Bishop's story is
similar to a Mayan or Nahua Indian legend, yet it is infinitely more original
than any of the other stories in this collection. However, it also left me cold
as it read more like a Harlequin romance than a serious horror story. Chelsea
Quinn Yarbro contributes an interesting tale of modern, business-like horror. In
the "Ice Prince," a corporate type takes out his revenge swiftly and sweetly
with ne'er but a twinge of guileless complicity. But original? No. Yarbro's yarn
in this horrific anthology is vaguely similar to her characterizations used in
her novel Tempting Fate. Ramsey Campbell's "The Place of Revelation" is a
rambling tale of a young man on a "vision quest," more or less, with his uncle.
It was hard to read, more often babbling than rambling, and to be honest I am
still unsure of the point of the story, if indeed it had one.
Ah, such disappointment.
If writers in the horror genre are still trying to break out of the mold of
being considered hacks, purveyors of subliterature, this collection of stories
is not going to assist them at all, much less raise their standings to the
pinnacle of literati. I cannot even begin to convey my disappointment in finding
that even Ramsey Campbell, the horror genre's leading writer in almost
everyone's book, failed so miserably. His story was just one more sad note in
this medley of mediocrity. One has to wonder of why any of these esteemed
authors bothered to submit these seemingly hastily written pieces which are in
no way representative of their best work, or even of their good work.
So how many whore-ers DOES it take to change a light bulb? 13 hor-rors for editor
Brian Hopkins.
But if you are a sapient reader with an above average taste
for the extraordinary in horror anthologies, 13 is not a lucky number.