Beware of Being Overly Negative When Delivering Bad News
08/08/2003

The bad news and the reasoning behind it are quite clear in the following letter.  However, the writer also wants the reader's business (she offered to give him a loan if he obtained a co-signer).  Unfortunately, the option offered the reader is hidden at the end of the letter, and the strong negative message in the beginning may cause him to quit reading altogether, or to be in no mood to do business with Chase Manhattan when he does get to this option.  How could the letter be better structured to persuade the reader to at least consider doing further business with this bank?

Chase Manhattan Bank
P. O. Box 25250 *  New York, NY  20025 *  (212) 555-0000

September 1, 2000

Robert Vasquez
1012 Santana Drive
Houston, Texas 77077

Dear Mr. Vasquez:

Recently you applied for a car loan with our bank. At this time, we are not able to process your request due to the following reasons:

• Delinquency in monthly payments
• Consistent overdraft on account
• Balances of $500 or more on several accounts
• No verifiable income

Also, we require at least two years of credit history.  You have only established credit for one year.  To be considered for the car loan, you have the option of getting a co-signer. We have enclosed an application with a self-addressed envelope for you and the co-signer to fill out. We apologize for the inconvenience, and appreciate your business.

Sincerely,
 
 

Angela M. Tucker
Director, Credit Relations

Enclosure